Regret

I’m a bitch; I’m the first one to admit that. I’ve done horrible things to kind people. While I like to say that I didn’t know any better it still doesn’t change the fact that I’ve offended people… HURT even. One such incident lead me stay away from dating for two years.

 There was a time when I would see someone one to two times then it wouldn’t work out for whatever reason; I wasn’t interested, they weren’t interested, whatever, didn’t work out. During this time I wound up on jury duty with this guy that wasn’t particularly attractive but we exchanged numbers anyway. Instead of actually going out with this guy I kept telling him I was busy. Truth be told I was extremely busy trying to work full time while taking level 300 classes full time. For whatever reason, I kept talking to him for MONTHS. Each time he asked to meet up I gave him the same few reasons why I couldn’t; homework, tired, busy week, washing my hair, etc. All the while this poor sweet guy just wanted to get to know me better. He finally stopped contacting me and got a real girlfriend.

After he stopped talking to me for a while I stopped to think, “Hey, if I really wanted to get to know this guy I would have made time for him. I make time for my friends and family but I couldn’t give this poor guy an hour or two of my time.” This lead right into my natural cycle of depression so I decided to stop seeing people for a few months but next time give that person the chance.

Fast forward two years and I’m still single but now know exactly how this poor guy felt. While I’m sure the person I saw three times (this is the most I’ve seen someone in seven years, yay) is very busy or tired or just needs to wash their hair I can’t help but remember when I hurt that poor guy. Since I can’t just shut my brain off like a normal person the situation has made me a neurotic mess; half a day I’m feeling great, the other half I’m freaking out that I did something wrong or that nothing in life will ever go right. EVER.

Life will probably go back to normal shortly; it’s time to start ordering Christmas retail for the shop, I’ve started to work on getting in shape, and I have plenty of books to read but this life is a lonely one. Perhaps I’m mourning the few weeks that someone I was interested in felt the same or perhaps I truly am crazy. But life goes on.

Moral of the story: if you can’t make time for someone or WON’T make time for someone it’s probably time to throw in the towel. You may feel great because there’s someone who wants to be with you but they feel like shit because you aren’t giving them the time of day. Just let that person know that you no longer wish to see them and that’s that. You’ll get more respect and live without a lot of regret.